While growing up, my mother used to say to me “it is important for a man to love you more than you love him”. When I asked her why, she said, “You can do shakara for him and he will still never leave you, he would respect and value you so much”. She also said if the case was reversed, the man may not value the woman’s love and he may do as he deems fit without any fear of losing the woman.
I wouldn’t say I totally agree with mama, although she may have a point. This question is one that will always have a divided opinion- but my questions are: is there any truth to this saying? Should the man love more and the woman love less or vice versa? Is there a way to measure who loves more?
I do not know if there is any truth to this, but what I know from stories I have heard from various sources is that the old-age tactics of a woman playing “hard to get” might be the best way for a woman to determine how much she’s worth to a man. If a man toils and struggles before he gets you, I feel his actions would be different compared to if you had to chase him down to get his attention.
I may be biased as a woman, but I think women are more loyal than men in relationships. I don’t have any evidence to back this claim though, but we all know of a woman somewhere that stood by her man through thick and thin, but have we heard many stories of men doing this? Maybe not. Most times when a woman starts a relationship she is in for the long run, but for most men I can’t really say such. Sometimes for a man to be fully down he has to be out-rightly “obsessed” with the woman for his loyalty ratings to be high. African men sometimes find it difficult to express their emotions, even if they are in love with a woman. Maybe they are socially wired that way- some feel if they show love they would be taken for granted, so they remain rigid and tough. Women on the other hand are encouraged to love and show affection.
If I am to be selfish I would say the man should love more. Why? I want my man to think twice before he cheats on me. If he doesn’t love me too much or more he may cheat. I’m not saying a man who loves you more will not cheat and the one who doesn’t would, but if you compare the odds, of he who loves that much and feels you are too good for him, he won’t do anything to spoil what he has going. The perfect thing would be that love should be 50-50, mutual and balanced, but hey, life isn’t perfect, so guys should love more.
In the end, love is an emotion so it cannot be seen or touched. It is expressed differently, so it would be difficult to measure it. But when someone is in love, you should be able to tell by their actions and behavior towards you. Since there is no easy way to measure… perhaps just the fact that both parties are in love should be enough. Or maybe what we mean by a man loving more is a man that constantly affirms his love by his words and actions, and isn’t afraid to be a little mushy about you.
In conclusion, I wouldn’t mind a man loving me more but I am not saying a woman should go into a relationship/marriage without loving the man- no one should. However, someone loving you “more” by being more expressive and emotional won’t be a bad idea. Action speaks louder than words. If you want a man to love you more please choose that kind of man, but if you choose to be with an ‘unemotional’ man with the hope of changing him, then you are in for it.
What do you guys think? Is this saying true? Is this an easy way to find a faithful man? Share your views.