Book Title: The Confessions of a Lagos Bachelor
Author: Osikhena Dirisu
Publisher: Free State Publishing
(To order a copy, please call 08092228856)
Am I allowed to famz before going into the review proper?
I first heard of Osikhena Anslem Dirisu A.K.A. Osi Suave through my friend (Gogo) who also landed a gig with Rhythm FM Benin at the same time Osi did. We were all in Uniben at the time (2008) and it was kind of a big deal. His radio shows were hella lit, he was the chief editor of one of the most popping campus editorials with the baddest Lasgidi swag (Suave Magazine) and he hosted off-campus parties with his clique of cool friends, one of which I was privileged to attend.
There’s not a lot of difference between the Osi I knew then and the Osi you all know now. He’s been boisterous since forever, his enterprising spirit was all over the place and I heard from the main campus that he was a “fast and hard banging” ho. I heard oooo.
When he first mentioned of his book on social media, I thought: Enhen… The Uniben and post-Uniben sexcapades are about to roll out. I’m quite certain that Osi’s friends, family, and colleagues who cover the book’s first seventeen pages with endorsing words all probably thought the same but imagine my horror upon reading, and finding out that it was none of that.
Not to say that the book doesn’t in any way document some of his sexual activities; I mean, how else would you identify an Osi-authored book? It just doesn’t protray it in the way that you’d expect Osi’s wild mind to. The cover art also plays a huge part in misleading the expectation of readers by portraying Osi as your favourite bad guy’s favorite bad guy but I guess this is a classic case of never judging a book by its cover.
For the purpose of easy digestion, I have divided the rest of this review into three parts- summary, acknowledgments and future expectations.
The first chapter “Before we were men”, simply eulogizes the childhood that most Nigerian millenials miss badly but it transports us straight to 29-year-old Osi in the ‘Serendipity” chapter. Here, Osi begins our journey into his series of complicated relationships, starting with his encounter with a chic called Nife.
Although she becomes history before the fourth chapter tagged “Desolation”, Nife sets the tone for heartbreaks and emotional disaster which Osi would rather see as lessons learned, than anything else.
“I told my therapist about you” is easily my favorite chapter as it takes on the form of poetic narration, where Osi pours out his heart and hurt (courtesy Nife) to his shrink.
I told my therapist about you
about how I am in a better place
but now guarded
because love makes me extremely vulnerable
I told my therapist about me
-Excerpt from The Confessions of a Lagos Bachelor
“Photo Booths” holds yet another tale of love gone sour but not for long, considering that the rest of the chapter plays out in photos, sharing with us, some of Osi’s precious moments at the Beat FM and around his career in general.
In the “Successful Women” chapter, Osi celebrates the women who have dearly impacted his life and it opens us up to the Osi who never stops fighting for women’s rights.
A colleague of mine thinks the “Vaginismus” chapter is too much information but I beg to disagree. We meet Tola who stars as the new love of Osi’s life until her Vaginismus condition rears its ugly head. Things fall apart but the chapter ends with some helpful information for other people who may be faced with a similar situation.
Then comes “Rehab liquid, Aura and Tribeca”; a throwback to when 24-year-old Osi just joined the Beat FM. Here, we get limited but exclusive peeks into the personalities of some of his co-workers at the station but the real eye-popper in this chapter is Osi’s hilarious encounter with a commercial “adult care giver”.
In “Cheating and False testimonies”, Osi recounts a very painful experience of the lengths he had to go to for yet another insecure girl. The penultimate chapter of the book is a full-blown love letter….and maybe I’m am an airhead who needs to re-read the book for better understanding but I’m not sure which of his exes the letter is addressed to.
The book winds down in Chapter 12 (Airchecks and Keffi Street) with Osi expressing his gratitude for the precious moments and rich experience gained at the Beat 99.9 FM. Like I’d normally say about my team, he asked for a job but they gave him a family and every punctuation in this last read carries one salient message- Osikhena does not in the least way take his stay at the Beat for granted.
1. The conciseness of this body of work perfectly fits the short attention span of this current generation.
2. I love love love how Osi brilliantly wove music into his story, carefully drawing lyrics from various songs that directly relate to his experiences.
3. If Osi had packed the book full of the side of his personality that we know, there really wouldn’t have been any surprise factor.
4. I’m thankful for the chapter that brings awareness and enlightenment to the serious issue of Vaginismus.
5. I’m a woman so you bet that I love the Successful women chapter and everything it stands for.
1. Should a sequel be considered, it would be nice to have much deeper, raunchier and harder to believe confessions that would help the book’s badass title pull its full weight.
2. Another change that I look forward to seeing in subsequent books is a better distribution of higher quality pictures within the project.
3. Osi seems to be painted somewhat like a saint in this read and you my friends, know that’s not all there is to him. I’d love to read of darker adventures with him playing the bad guy in some of them.
To round this up, I’d like to congratulate Osikhena on his first outing as an author and I look forward to more exciting works from him. I urge you guys to please support him by checking the book out.
As my own little way of supporting, the first person to comment on this post gets a copy of the book on me (and hopefully I can get you a signed copy like mine).