Shouldn’t I blame my inability to squ!rt on my African Parents? (R18)

All I need in this life of sin…

There were days in my life when I advised men against giving head. Today, I now enjoy this rare gift with my eyes closed in thanks.

There were days when I argued that squirting was bedwetting. As of today, I write about how many nights I have tried various things on my bed, some of them quite unthinkable, in the bid to get it wet on purpose.

I’m done trying to convince the world that there’s no special receptacle in the female anatomy that carries a special fluid, solely for pleasure spraying purposes.

I’m done trying to verify that the liquid is from the bladder which automatically qualifies it as pee.

I’m done with all the theories. I, just, want, to, frigging, facking, SQU!RT!!!

After many years of doubting the process without paying attention to the impact of the product, I have come to this conclusion.

Squirting orgasm might be the most pleasurable thing on earth (well it better be since childbirth, I hear, is the most painful).

The normal female orgasm, if achieved right, is a full trip on its own. Now, adding that basket full of pleasure to the sensational peace that pissing brings, both happening at the same time, hmmm, Lord knows I’m arriving heaven unconscious.

Once at a $ex-ed session of a friend’s bridal shower, the coach (who clutched this big black rubber dicky  ducky throughout) gave this advice in her most professional tone.

“You see that little pee that you rush to pee after $ex, that is your cum. Try to let it out during $ex.”


So you mean to tell me that the night I urinated in my school boyfriend’s cooking bowl, all I could have done was drown in my pee of enjoyment? And he begged me to do it right there o but God forbid that I (Don’t judge. It was in the middle of the night and the bathroom was far from the hostel???)

Sincerely, I think African parents can be largely blamed for this. If my mum didn’t make me feel like the product of a taboo every time I mistakenly chose to use the restroom in my dreams, I probably won’t feel so terrified to let some water push forward from my Vjayjay in harmless excitement…Or is that not how it works?

I’ve tried to inquire from my squirter friends but none of their eruption experiences is the same. One says it just happened spontaneously, another says the curled-up finger on the g-spot technique made hers happen while the last chic said it took same technique in addition to her two love knobs getting pinched down and a vibrator to her you know what. Now the latter sounds like the best way I’d like to experience this rapture but I am now shivering in the fear that I may never know.

Nevertheless, I will not relent. Whether by self-help or by external help, (hopefully not inducing it by watching other women do it ?‍♂️)I will take every single chance I get at one day changing the weather down there and making it rain af??⛈☔☔…





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