This is my story…
I have never been in love, I use to think I was but just realised I wasn’t. I’m sure you are wondering how I found out. Well, that’s because I know what it feels like to be in love now. I know, I know, I should be happy I now feel “love” but I’m not and here is why…
I have been in a number of relationships in the past but none lasted up to a year because I can be very proud and impatient. Proud because once I decide to walk away, nothing brings me back. Impatient because when I’m done taking some bullsh*t, I let it out so bluntly you wouldn’t believe it was me talking.
So, I’ve managed to be in and out of several relationships that easy and now I know it was only easy for me because I was never really in love with them, I just loved the idea of them. How do I know this? Good question.
I am finally in love, he is everything and more. I have never wanted anyone more but he isn’t and can’t be mine. He is happily married or that is what I think. He was/is always there when I need someone. He loves me, so tell me, how do I stop loving the only person I ever really love?
I know I sound stupid believing he loves me because he is married but trust me, it is possible to love two people at the same time, you just can’t have both. At times, I wish I met him when he was single because he was for a long time before he got married but, the question is. Would he have seen me? Right now he sees me and I love that, wouldn’t trade it for anything, every other guy just see a hot chick they want to bang. Idiots!!!
I want him but I know I can’t have him, so what do I get? He wants to have s3x with me and right now, I really do not mind because I can’t lose it all. I want to have a memory of him, I need to have a memory of him.
All he wants is s3x because that is all he can offer. All I want is some memory to hold on to. Is that so wrong?
And this gets me thinking. Why is love so hard?