O Lagos! The former capital of Nigeria, the real industrial capital of the nation, the centre of excellence, and the state every non-Lagosian wants to immigrate to. With all the aforementioned titles, you would think Lagos is one futuristic place like Wakanda in Black Panther, right? WRONG! There are a lot of things happening in Lagos that makes people want to take the first bus or flight out of the state (if only other states were as good and industrial-friendly) and the 5 instances below are among the most annoying things that happen in the centre of excellence every day.
The only word that is truly synonymous with “Lagos” is “Traffic”. True story; you can go out in Lagos and spend hours in traffic, whereas someone that is travelling to another state in the east or south could have reached his/her destination while you are still right there stuck in traffic. To top it all off, there are BAD ROADS EVERYWHERE!!!! The funny thing about Lagos traffic is that it’s either a decrease in the number of lanes or the next annoying happening (below) that usually causes it.
2. A vehicle breaking down
Thanks to the overpopulation, disastrous public transport system, lack of the now disbanded VIO in doing their job, and the constant oppression by Yahoo Yahoo guys, the number of cars plying the roads in Lagos are just too many. Little wonder why the roads are constantly spoiling. But the sad part is, many of the vehicles – cars, danfo buses, and even Lag buses, – usually break down on the road. It’s really hard for a day to go by without seeing at least one vehicle that broke down on the road. And to make matters worse, this only further adds to the traffic on the already congested roads.
3. Seeing shit on the floor or people shitting
This is one occurrence that is strange, disgusting and just downright ‘WTF’. I’ve plied all the bridges that link the Mainland and Island and I have seen times without number, many people defaecating at either the foot of the bridge, at the shores, or just straight up gangster sit on the railings of the bridge and dump directly in the sea. It’s really a disgusting thing that the government should really look into stopping. Also, there are almost always pieces of faeces on the floor littered around Lagos. And this isn’t exclusive to the ‘mainland’. I have seen and even stepped on shit in the posh residential areas of Lekki and Ikoyi.
4. People cursing and abusing other people
There’s this saying “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned!” While that may be true, the real saying, in this case, is “hell hath no fury like a Lagosian.” You don’t even have to be scorned or not, there’s fury in every Lagosian. The quietest of people suddenly lets his/her demon out when he/she is behind the wheel or just walking on the road. Any small thing and the way people lash out on the streets of Lagos can make you rethink your destiny. That is why it’s better to try and avoid skirmishes as much as possible. The fact that someone is all suited up and nicely cleaned up doesn’t mean that the person no get werey for head.
5. Carbon Monoxide Bathing
After bathing with soap, creaming your body with a lovely scented lotion and wearing a perfume that people all in the way in Ethiopia can smell, there is one final ritual that just has to complete the day in the life of a Lagosian; carbon monoxide bathing from the exhausts of trailers, buses and the likes. The intensity of the gas is so much that even if you are protected in your air-conditioned car, you can still smell the exhaust a little. For it to enter your wound-up car says a lot, doesn’t it? Now to add to it a little more, if you are in danfo, then expect to start smelling like fish because almost always, there’s a basket of fish in the boot of the bus that you have entered.
What other Lasgidi occurrence did I miss out? Do let me know in the comment section below.